


Take care of you

by UnGendered



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: ABDL, Ageplay, Daddy!Zayn, M/M, Multi, Time Out, baby!Niall, daddy!Liam, daddy!harry, five way relationship, infantialism, non spankin, selfharm, zianourry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-03-17 12:13:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 14,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3529004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnGendered/pseuds/UnGendered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall didn't meant to do it, he swear. But the stress, the hate, everything! </p><p>Hurting himself instead of hurting others seemed like a good choice back then, no he just can't stop.</p><p>Trailing his figertips over his wrist, Niall didn't seem to care.</p><p>He didn't seem to care when he added to the scars, to the cuts and to the suffering. He had lost all control over himself a while ago. He knew it was dangerus, but it wasn't he that held the string. </p><p>He was terrified of pain, still he did this?</p><p>What he needed was someone that took care of him, even if himself didn't know it yet.</p><p>"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""<br/>The boys was scared for Niall. They hadn't seen him eat properly in weeks, and he always had dark circles under his eyes.<br/>So they all decided to do something about it.</p><p>(Ageplay, boyxboy, niall-baby, Zianourry, Self-Harm, Suidical Thoughts)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loosing control

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, and thatnk you for giving this story a try!

"What are we gonna do? It's obvious he can't take care of himself." Zayn, Liam, Louis and Harry sat in the kitchen, trying to decide what they could do to help their bandmate Niall. He didn't take care of himself anymore. He didn't get drunk, he didn't fight and he wasn't constantly angry or rude. He just looked like he had stopped caring. If they were be honest, they were all scared for him. He'd gotten dark circles under his eyes, his hair was flat and dull, his eyes didn't have that shine anymore and he seemed skinnier.

They had to remind him to eat. They were all in a relationship and slept in the same bed as often they could. Sometimes one of them wake up and see Niall sitting either on the edge of the bed or in a window. He just stared straight forward, and didn't react until they would shake him.

They didn't know how serious everything actually was.

0o0o0o0o0o0  
Niall sat up in his bed with sweat dripping from his back, forehead and arms. Another nightmare. Sighing, he picked himself up and looked down at his sheets. Sighing again, he ripped them all off from the bed and sneaked to the bathroom. The hotel was too small for them all five to fit in one bed, so they had to sleep on their own.

He put the sheets and his clothes in a hamper and quickly cleaned himself up. He put on a new pair of boxers and a too big t-shirt after that, smiling a bit of the though that he could at least wear one of his boyfriends shirt to bed. He didn't quite know if it was one of the other boys shirts though, but it seemed really big so he guessed it was Liams or Harrys.

Looking at the hem of it, since they all had each color sewed there, he saw the familiar black mark. It was his own shirt. Then why did it seem so big? He hadn't skipped that many meals he thought, but without any show of emotion Niall walked back to his room and put on new sheets. He didn't show much emotion anymore.

He just felt empty.

Laying down under the new and scratchy covers he let his hand travel from his sticking out collarbones to his ribs, dipping his fingertips between each and every one of them and over the scars. His hand followed it's way to his sunken-in stomach and his brows furrowed the slightest. Was he really that skinny? No, it was just because he laid down right now.

That had to be it.

Going down to his tights he let his fingers sweep over the scarred skin, wincing when he pushed down on a pretty new cut. Maybe he wasn't the best for himself?

Posted: 12/March/2015  
Edited: 4/April/2016


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall can't sleep, and the Louis has a childish idea. Literally...

When Liam woke up to get a glass water one night, there was something that was missing in the bed. This hotel had a big bed, and they all was able to sleep togheter in it. The fans knew about their relationship. While someones was happy there ship had come true, since now all ships was true; Larry, Niam, Ziall, Narry, Lilo, Zouis and yeah all. Since they all dated each other. Everyone wasn't that happy when their idols was in a fiveway realtionship.

As he looked around the bed, someone was missing. That's when he heard footsteps outside the door. Laying down again, he closed his eyes when the door opened. Someone walked in, and Liam could hear fain, sobs? Was it Niall who cried? Had Niall had another nightmare?

Sitting up, he turned on the lamp and heard a small surprised sqeak. Niall stood before him, holding his arm against his chest.

"Niall? What's wrong?" He asked, and it looked like Niall froze.

"N-nothing" Liam watched his face close, and could see small tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Was it a nightmare again?" He asked, holding his arm out to Niall. After a bit hesitation, Niall nodded and cuddled up in his arms and followed when Liam laid down again. Pushing Harry who laid beside him to the side Liam made room for Niall.

And he couldn't stop thinking. 'Are you really suppose to be able to feel his ribs that much?'

""""""""""""""""""  
"Guys, I think we need to help Niall in some way." All the boys, except Niall, stopped what they where doing and turned around towards Liam.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean? He's not sleeping, he's not eating and he's barely with us in the hotel anymore! He always finds a way to lock himself away from us. Don't you see what he's doing, he shutting us out!" Liam raised his voice, and all the boys seemed shocked. 

"I have a-"

"No Louis. We need to do something. We must to do something!" Liam turned around and leaned against the counter.

"But I have an idea" Louis piped up. No one liked a irritated Liam.

"What?" Liam snapped.

"Ageplay" Now all the boys looked at Louis, and he hurried to open his laptop and clicking on a file. He turned to screen towards the boys and leaned back in his seat.

On the screen, it was pictures, texts and different links. The boys looked through them all, before they looked sceptical on Louis.

"It often takes away stress, and think about it. Who gets the most hate in the group"

"Niall"

"And who is the one who always want to please others and make them happier than him?"

"Niall" Louis had a point. Well he had many points. Niall often stayed late at the studio and tried to in some way make something better. 

"And besides the point, Niall would be cute in onesies and dummies"

All the boys thought about it for a while.

"But he won't agree to it"

"Haven't you seen him lately, he don't care. He doesn't care if he's missing meals, or if someone takes away his phone. He just, exist. I hate to say this, but maybe it would make it easier to get him into this?"

Before anyone had the time to answer, they heard Niall shout from the bedroom. 

"""""""  
Niall couldn't see much. But he could feel something. What felt like fingers on his wrists. They trailed up his arms, on his shoulders and up to his neck. Slowly traveling down, they moved over his chest. 

Trying to break free, Niall was close to tears. 

"Let me go!" 

'Won't you let me take you, again?' There was that voice, that mans voice. He hated it, still it was permanent in his mind from that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses what happened to Niall that night?


	3. Be a good boy for me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They boys tells Niall about their childish plan

All the boys had gone full-heartly into this. They searched up facts, they read stories from others who had tried ageplay, they purchased all the stuff and they made a list with rules. They had all agreed that they could in no way hurt Niall, so spankings was out of the question. They hadn't found that much of other punishments, so they would have to work on that. But this is what they had so far:

Punishments:  
Time-Out 

Rules:  
No swearing  
No getting food alone  
No getting drinks alone  
No talking back  
Don't hurt others  
Don't be alone  
Always tell someone if sick  
Always listen  
No adult underwear  
No hiding

They all knew they maybe was a bit to harsh on the rules, but they planned to change them a bit along the way and also ask Niall if there's something he really didn't like.

This was after all for Niall, but still he would be a baby. So they needed to be harsh in the beginning to get him into this. But they wouldn't give out punishments in the beginning, since they really couldn't count with Niall to go along smoothly. It wasn't his idea or choice to do this, they forced him into it.

They all knew they couldn’t wait to long, Niall was a mess.

”””””””””””””””””””””””””””  
”Niall, where are you?” The boys just came home from shopping some quicker stuff for Niall. Things like dummies, bibs and bottles.

While Harry and Liam quickly put away all the things, Niall came into the living room yawning. Quickly looking at each other they decided to start it.

”Come here” Harry said, and surprised Niall by picking him up. When he squirmed around and tried to get down, Harry just placed his other arm around his waist, not without frowning over how thin it was.

”Niall, we need to talk about something” that catched Nialls attention. Before anyone had a chance to continue Niall cut them of.

”Is it because me, have I done something? Oh god you want me to leave the band don’t you?” No one said a thing, everyone was shocked by what Niall had said.

”Oh god no! Of course we don’t want you to leave the band Niall! We all love you!” 

”We want to talk with you about yourself” Liam said, and before Niall could cut him of again Harry placed a hand on his shoulder ”You’re not taking care of yourself” 

”Yes I do” Niall said, looking around them confused, and still awkward placed in Harrys lap. 

”Yesturday, we had to remind you to eat anything, have you even eaten anything since then?” Louis jumped in with, and Niall seemed to think before he slowly shook his head.

”You see. So we had thought about this, and we all think it will help us. All of us” Liam ended, and everyone looked at Niall, who just raised a eyebrow.

”Ageplay” Zayn said, and it seemed like everyone held their breath. 

”What’s ageplay?” Niall said, and looked around at them expecting someone to answer.

”It’s when you treat someone as a younger age, for example that we treat you like a toddler” Liam explained. Niall just looked confused at them, why would they need to take care of him? He could do that.

”Why would you do that?” Niall didn’t get it. Why would the boys take care of him? They where in a relationship, they wasn’t supposed to treat him like a baby.

”Because you cane take care of your self, and we want you to be healty, wich you aren’t” And before Niall could cut Liam of, Harry did.

”You’re to light Niall, we have to do this and you don’t have a choice” Harry didn’t gave room for any answers as he nodded to Zayn, who picked up a changing mat from one of the bags and laid it out on the floor.

Still confused, Niall was placed on the mat by Harry. But when he felt fingertips by his zipper, something clicked inside him. 

Shooting up, he pushed himself away from the other lads and into a corner by the room. Pushing himself against the two walls, all he could see was that mans face and all he could hear was his voice.

'Why don’t you stay a good boy for me, hmm?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guy but I'm really not comfortable with punishments that involves pain. If you know any punishment that don't involve pain, could you please comment the? It would really help.


	4. No Nappied

”Come on baby, you don’t really have a choice in this anyway” Harry walked up to Niall, who only pushed himself closer to the corner. All he could se was that man.

”No no no please let me be” he pleaded, and Harry frowned in confusion and stayed a bit from Niall. Looking back at the other boys, they only shrugged.

”C’mon Nialler, we can wait whit the nappies okay? We can take that later baby” He said, and the other boys gave him irritated glares. They had decided not to wait, they would do this now. But their eyes softened when they saw how scared Niall was, and they completely forgot why they where angry in the first place when Niall let out a small:

”Promise?”

”Of course baby, I promise we can wait with nappies okay” Nodding, still a bit insecure, Niall let Harry pick him up. Lightly bouncing him on his hip, Harry rubbed Nialls back as he calmed down.

Sending a worried look to the other lads when he felt Nialls weight, the other just looked confused at him. But shaking his head, he didn’t want to mention it and possibly work Niall up even more now when he was on his way to calm down.

Sitting on the couch he nodded at Liam who disappeared into the kitchen.

”Calm down baby, we’re gonna take small baby steps okay” Harry cooed, holding Niall who was straddling his waist now.

When Nialls sobs finally had disappeared, Harry laid him down in his lap on his back. With a hand under his neck for support and one hand stroking his hair, ha waited until Niall was comfortable.

All the crying had made Niall tired, and he was now close to falling asleep in Harrys lap. But when he felt something plastic being pressed against his lips, he opened his eyes and looked shocked at Harry.

But Harry wasn’t even looking at him, he was looking at the T.V someone had turned on. Not sure if he was gonna be happy or sad when Harry wasn’t paying attention, Niall looked around on the other boys. And in some way, it felt a bit better when no one was really paying attention to him, he felt that he wouldn’t be as embarrassed.

So, obvius to Harrys victory in his own head, Niall began to slowly suck at the plastic fake-nipple. To his relief, someone (probaly Liam) had added vanilla flavor to the milk. Niall was never a milk-lover how much his parents talked about strong bones and theets. 

The taste wasn’t the best however, but Niall could hold out for at least half the bottle. So when half of it was consumed, Niall pushed away to bottle and Harry placed it on the coffee table and sat in the sofa with Niall still in his lap. He was happy Niall had actually tried it. 

Niall cuddled his head into Harrys stomach and gripped his shirt, for some sort of safety. Just laying there, all the five boys where quite happy with the situation. Niall was not gonna fall asleep, he wasn’t used to sleep until much later. But he had gotten so little sleep lately, and this position was very very comfortable. Especially when Harry started to stroke his back.

It was so comfortable that Niall didn’t even reacted when the T.V was turned off and all the boys silently cooed at Niall. Whoever made the smallest sound directly earned a angry glare from Harry. Yup, he would be a protective ’father’- or mother?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting so much positive response I feel like crying in happiness right now!


	5. Filler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This si just a simply filler

After Niall had fallen asleep in Harrys lap, Harry laid him on their bed and piled pillows around him like for a real baby so he wouldn’t fall off the bed.

An hour later, Niall had woken up and looking confused around the room. Why where there pillows all around him? And what did the bags in the corner do? After a closer look, Niall saw that the bags where filled with baby things, maybe Lux and Lou would visit?

Sitting up and climbing out of the pillow-bed, he looked down at his body, still covered in the normal clothes. He maybe just had fallen asleep(which was rarely) and Louis or someone had laid the pillows there?

However, he walked out from the room and into the kitchen where he could hear the other boys. Still a bit drowsy from his sleep, Niall rested against the doorway to the kitchen.

”Niall, you’re awake!” Louis exclaimed, and Harry walked up to him and picked him up. Frowning, Niall looked confused at him.

”Why are you carrying me Harry?” Biting his lip to not tell Niall not to call him Harry, he just shook his head and pushed Nialls cheek against his shoulder so Niall rested peacefully there.

”Baby, do you remember anything from before?” Liam asked carefully as he leaved his place at the stove to Zayn and placed out a chair from the table for Harry to sit in. As he heard the pet-name, it clicked in his head. How they had told him about ageplay, and he had drank from a bottle. He also remembered that they had tried to undress him.

Nodding slowly, he got seated in Harrys lap with his legs to one side and his back rested againt the table-edge.

”You won’t try to…” He started, but stopped.

”No, we won’t make you test nappies until later” Louis said, and Niall nodded.

”So how about we eat dinner, then we need to go through some things.” Liam said, and placed the food on the table. Niall tried to get out of Harrys lap, but Harry just tightened his grip around his waist and Niall finally gave up.

Looking at everyone while they ate, he leaned back against Harrys chest while he ate.

”Aren’t you gonna eat baby?” Zayn asked, and Niall whipped his head up. Everyone was looking worried on him now, and he shuffled uncomfortable in Harrys lap.

”Not hungry” he mumbled, and looked down in his lap, starting to play with a loose string from Harrys shirt.

”Okay, can you at least take one bit?” Harry asked, taking Nialls chin and tilting it up so he could look into his eyes.

Nodding, Niall took his fork and quickly took one bite from Harrys plate, mostly to stop the boys from looking at him. Shying away, he leaned against Harrys chest again and waited until they all was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas or promts till up-coming chatpters, comment them to me! Even if it's just an little little idea. I will always apericate help!


	6. Chapter 6

The boys decided that yes, they would wait a bit with nappies. Not long, maybe one or two days. They knew that if they asked Niall about all the rules before he was in any sort of headspace, he wouldn’t enjoy his choice when he well was in headspace. So the tricky question was, how where they gonna get him into a headspace? Would they even make it to that?

They would not choose for him, he would do that all by himself. But they needed something to be like the trigger for it. In the future, they would need him to go out from his headspace, and they needed something that would show when he could get into it.

They had thought of nappies, but Harry had said that after a while, Niall would probably lose control over his bladder so he would need nappies all the time so that couldn’t be it. Bottles was a good example, but they needed something more pointy. That said ”you are a baby”.

”A playpen” Zayn said, and all the boys turned their head towards him. Except Harry and Niall who was simply sitting in the couch, cuddling a bit.

”Think about it, it will be a little chance he will ever see one outside the apartment since it’s to small backstage, and never no one else would put him in on for that matter. It shows that he is a baby, and if he’s embraced in nappies and in baby clothes when he’s not in his headspace, then we could leave him alone in the playpen.” Zayns plan didn’t have any holes. It was bulletproof.

”And he won’t get hurt” that made it for the boy and they decided to build up the playpen. They had many baby-furniture. But they didn’t want to set up it all at once, since Niall was not used to any of this. They would take small baby steps to ease him into being babied.

They didn’t know how far they could go with the boy, or how fast. 

Niall hadn’t cried infront of the boys, when they tried to take his pants of he had been panicking, but in some way his eyes didn’t got wet. He was always so emotionless, and it hurt the other boys. They all missed the old Niall, the Niall who’s shown in cameras.

But the problem what that the Niall they all missed, was a fake one. He truly should have an Oscar for his acting. It was phenomenal.

When Niall woke up, he directly knew something was wrong. He laid on a soft padded mattress, but not thick enough to be an bed. But still ticker and softer than a rug.

He had nothing over him like any sort of blanket, and he didn’t lay in someone’s lap.

There was no ones heartbeat to listen to. Lucky enough, he hadn’t any nightmare. He had slept much this last 2 days, so there was simply a miracle he hadn’t have any nightmare yet.

Sounds of Niall moving reached the baby-mobile that was hidden in the playpen, and the boys heard it in their bedroom where they nervous waited for Niall to wake up,

Sneaking out of the bedroom, they sneaked a look around the corner and into the living room where Nialls playpen was placed. The look of absolute confusion was over Nialls whole face, and he sat up on the soft ground that was the playpen. Looking around, he saw the thin fence-likely fabric with small holes in.

Standing up, he realized he could not climb over it. He was indeed trapped. In his scared mind, Niall succeed in making the light green baby fabric look dangerous. Like a cage. 

Backing into a corner, he stared wide around on all the toys, looking for an way out. 

Harry, seeing the upcoming panic in Nialls eyes, hurried towards him. He knew he should let Niall explore the playpen by himself, but he didn’t want it to seem scary or bad to Niall, then he wouldn’t be able to use that as and ’baby spot’

Picking him up, he frowned when Niall didn’t care about his soothing worlds or when he stroke Nialls hair. He simply hurried to push his small hand inside Harrys shirt and surprised Harry tried to take the cold hand out. But Niall pushed strong, and pressed his palm against Harrys heart. Feeling it beating under his hand, he took deep breaths.

He would often do that when the boys slept and he had worked from an nightmare, it reminded him that the boys was alive and everything was or would be okay.

Turning against the other boys and letting Nialls hand be, Harry frowned down on Niall.

After half an hour, Niall had calmed down enough and could let go off Harry. He wasn’t surprised when he was picked up now, and it had only been 2 days.

They all had simply laid din the living room, and Niall was in the bedroom. Thinking and trying to fix everything in his head. Why did the boys suddenly showed so much affection towards him? They had never really ignored him. Only easy forgotten him and not asking him to come down to dinner, or maybe some time told him a bit to harsh to let them be. But he guessed it the nerves and stress from the tour. They had after all just gotten home from it and the nerves hadn’t really taken off.

But towards each other, they all where lovingly and didn’t snap. What made the case different for Niall?

There must be something wrong on him, was it that he had all the scars and cuts? Maybe he didn’t show enough how much pain he would go through to make the boys think he was perfect?!

Running to the bathroom and start searching for his blade, Niall knew exactly what he would do. He would show himself how much pain he could get through, for the boys.

Not realizing how much noise he made when he searched through the drawers in the bathroom, he didin’t realize when the other boys looked inside the bathroom, just as he held up the blade and pushed down his sleeve the slightest to make an cut.

A small mistake an the boys knew his darkest secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally support you but... Zayn...


	7. Zayn..?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really short, and I don't know why I'm posting it without any more, but I didn't want to destroy the end and it should actually be in the end of the last chapter but I didn't wrote it yesterday.

”Niall?” the boy froze. Slowly, he looked over his shoulder and snapped his eyes shut when he saw the boys standing in the doorway. Quickly placing his sleeve up to cover his wrist, he hide the blade in his palm. But he knew it was pointless, that the boys already had seen it. 

Well, they hadn’t seen the cuts, he hadn’t any cuts on his wrists. That’s when he though about it, was he really about to cut his wrist? How stupid could he be! If he cut his wrist, then of course all the fans and the boys would see them. He was an idiot all way through his head. 

”Niall, what are you doing?” Liam asked slowly, and took a step forward but stopped when he saw Niall flinch. The boys looked at Harry, since Niall was closest to him. Harry and Zayn had something special with Niall, but Zayn hadn’t really been that active these past days. Harry stepped forward, he was like paralyzed inside. He couldn’t get through what Niall was about to do, it all seemed unreal. 

He just focused on picking Niall up, balancing him on his hip and then he was safe. He had Niall, and no one would be harmed. Then he realized. Niall was about to harm himself, and there was no one between Niall and himself.

With tears in his eyes, he slid down against the cold wall, cradling Niall in his arms and holding onto him like his life depended on it. Which much well could do.

”What the fuck!” Niall froze. Turning his eyes towards Zayn, who had screamed, his eyes started to tear up.

”What do you think you’re doing!” Zayn continued, he didn’t seem to realize how hurt Niall looked. He screamed, and for Niall it never seemed to stop. Not until he heard loud footsteps and the door slam shut after Zayn.

And Niall broke down, together with Louis and Liam. 

Not caring about the small flinch when they got down on the floor beside Harry, Liam and Louis held the two crying boys in their arms. They continued to cry, no one seemed to be able to stop it soon. Niall whispered with a broken voice, it sounded like he had let go of any sort of hope.

”Zayn..?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah...


	8. What happened to you baby?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The notes has nothing to do with the chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You call this suicde? I say this is war.

”It’ll be okay” the words repeated over and over again during the night. Niall had tried to keep the door in his sight all the time, reacting to the smallest noise. First the boys had thought about using his state and then be able to put him in a nappy, but none of them really wanted to force him to much. So they all just laid in the couch watching a movie. Well, the boys where watching a movie and Niall was watching the door. Why had Zayn left?

Would he come back? He hadn’t said when he would come back, he had just walked out. 

”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””  
Zayn was frustrated, confused, lost and angry. He should have seen it all. He should had putted everything together, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t seen it coming. Watch kind of boyfriend was he? Niall had gone to rater harm himself than talk to them about it.

Had he done it before, yeah.The signs all showed it. He had locked himself in his room, and Zayn had often seen the light in the bathroom on in the middle of the night. Of course he had just though that one of the boys had woke up and used the bathroom. He had always planned to stay awake until they returned to the bed an then cuddle with them.

But it always took so long time until they where done and he had fallen asleep. Had Niall, hurt himself there? Just 5 metres away from them? And no one had noticed. He felt awful.

He couldn’t deal with all this. Why had Niall started with it? How much harm had he done to himself? Was it because of the stress from the tour? Was it because of the boys? 

But they hadn’t done anything wrong, right? When Niall started locking himself away, it just didn’t feel that strange to watch a movie just them four, and some times they had forgot to call Niall to the table for food. But it had been more and more natural that Niall wasn’t with them all the time, they had started to get used to it.

Was it because of that Niall didn’t want them to put him in nappies? Or had something else happened? What if he had been… No. But maybe? 

What if Niall had been raped!

With his eyes widening, Zayn quickly turned around in the street he was walking on. Running back where they lived, he threw open the door to their room.

Niall snapped his head up, to the edge of falling asleep in wait. When he saw Zayn in the door, he hurried out from the boys grip and ran up to Zayn, who picked him up and let Niall put his legs around his waist and push a warm hand inside his shirt and hold it against his heartbeat.

The other boys seemed to sleep, and Zayn closed the door a bit quieter than he had opened it. Slowly rocking Niall in his grip, he walked towards the guest-room where they had put all the baby-stuff. Niall had hide his face in his neck and didn’t saw what he was doing, nor that he really cared in the moment.

Taking a nappy and the needed items with him to their bedroom, he laid Niall on the bed. Niall had cried himself tired, and just saw Zayn standing at the end of the bed. When he moved to take his jacket of and leave over a chair a bit away, Niall whined and put his ankles around his one leg and in that way forcing him to stay. So Zayn threw his jacked in the corner and hoped no one stumbled on it. Which Harry probably would do even if he warned him.

Holding one of Nialls hand in his and rubbing the backside of it softly, Zayn slowly undone the button on Nialls pants. Opening his eyes as big as he could, Niall tried to push Zayn away and pushed his hand to the side. Quickly, Zayn picked him up and hugged him tightly, whispering soothing in his ear.  
 ”I know Niall, it’s okay” and ”I won’t hurt you” Nodding into Zayns shoulder after a while, Niall realized he cried and quickly dried the tears. 

Zayn laid Niall down again, and stared rubbing one of his hands backside again. He could unzip his zipper and undo the bottom on Niall until he felt him freeze under him.

Looking up at Zayn, all Niall could see was the mans face. Whimpering and letting out a strangled cry, Niall again tried to push himself away from Zayn. But before he came far, Zayn had him in an firm grip with his arms around the shaking boy. Niall only continued to cry and slowly shook his head against Zayns neck.

”Shh baby, what about if I only change your pants” Zayn said and leaned back to look into Nialls eyes ”then we can cuddle in the bed and I will sleep here the whole night” he cooed as he dried some of Nialls cheeks.

”No leaving?” Niall asked a bit shyly, and Zayn shook his head.

”I won’t leave, not even in the morning okay” and Niall nodded.

”Here, hold my hand and I promise to make it quick okay” Zayn said, and reached to one of the suitcases and picked up the best pair of sweatpants he could find, which happened to be Harrys.

Doing exactly as he told Niall, Zayn soon had Nialls pants of him. He had to stop two times more before they where all off him, but Zayn gladly did that if Niall needed him to paus.

Niall held a grip like iron on his hand, but Zayn didn’t complain. Niall wasn’t strong from no sleep, no food and no exercise the past time. Tears welling up in his eyes when he looked at Nialls tights, he let out a small sniffle. He couldn’t see any cuts directly, but they where easy to see through the tight boxer-fabric Niall wore. Deciding not to show Niall he had seen anything, he slipped the sweatpants on Niall and picked him up in a hug again.

Laying him down on the bed, he kissed Nialls temple.

”I’ll just change and then we’ll cuddle okay” he said, and Niall looked up frowning at him.

”No leave?”

”You’ll be able to see me all the time baby” Niall nodded att that, and true his words Niall was able to see Zayn. He just got of his jeans and t-shirt and put on sweatpants and laid beside him again.

Niall threw a leg over Zayns leg, and quietly listened to his hear. The pants ended long after his toes, sine Harry had long legs, and it made him feel small. And he didn’t dislike that feeling at all.

He had no problem to cuddle when there where pants on, especially since he trusted the boys, and now he wouldn’t let Zayn go even if he needed.

He could faintly hear Zayn whisper something as he stroke his back.  
 ”Oh baby, what have happened to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're fighting with self harm, or anything that gives you a hard time. No, if you are having a hard time, no matter the reason, I want you to try on thing for me.
> 
> Don't try to have a good day if it feels all the way opposite. Don't try to make it a good day even if you feel like laying down and disappear. Just survive the day, and there will be a good day in the future.
> 
> Don't stay alive for others. Others will miss you, but the important thing is you. So please stay alive for yourself
> 
> In the future I may take small pauses, just so the chapters won't be to boring and to bad, just so you're aware of that! Thank's for reading!


	9. Thin

”Niall?” someone whispered.

”Let him be Zayn, he had a pretty rough day yesterday”

”But I said I wouldn’t leave him”

”C’mon then, you can pick him up and hold him in the kitchen”

Half awake, not enough to open his eyes, Niall felt someone lift him up and putting him on his hip. He blinked tiredly, and took his fist up to rub his one eye.

”Whao, you have different pants Niall? I didn’t thought you’d let go of Zayn to change if I’d be honest” he could now make out it was Louis who talked.

”Oh, he didn’t. I changed him” Zayn said, and Niall pressed himself a little bit closer to Zayn when they got out from the warmth of the bedroom and the walked to the kitchen, Zayn still holding Niall on his hip.

”You did what!” Niall jerked at the suddenly shouting and Zayn quickly put an arm around him and stared angry at Louis.   
 ”Watch it you” he warned and got into to kitchen where Liam and Harry prepared breakfast, Louis muttering an apology behind them. He sat Niall on a empty cupboard and stood between his knees with his back against Niall so he could whisk a bowl Harry handed him.

Everyone had to hold their cooing inside when Nialls head fell onto Zayns shoulder, and especially when they saw what he was wearing. The sweatpants was over his toes, and his long sleeved shirt gave him sweater paws. One word, adorable.

Biting his lip hard not to coo at the boy, Harry gave him a bowl with already cut-up fruits. Harry though he would just softly ease him into eating more baby-like food.

Niall thought Harry didn’t trust him with sharp objects, a.k.a the knife to cut up the fruit. But when he thought about it, he wouldn’t really trust himself with a sharp object either. So he let it go, and there’s where a problem is. That’s exactly what they needed to know about each other, they needed to know what the others was thinking.

He was still tired thought, so he didn’t have the energy to fight right now. So Niall quietly ate the small fruit pieces, his legs fitting comfortable around Zayns waist. When he had eaten the pieces, he put down the bowl and fitted his arms around Zayns waist, just at the end of his ribs.

Frowning, he felt at Zayns ribs. He could feel them when he pushed softly, but Zayns ribs wasn’t sticking out. Keeping the frown, he felt around on his own ribs, and then at Zayns again. The boys studied him, and they all had to swallow hard when they saw the difference. Of course they didn’t see that good, since Niall had a big shirt on but still, they could see it. Niall was dangerous thin.

Keeping frowning, Niall rested his chin on Zayns shoulder and held his hands on his lap tucked behind Zayns lower back.

”Niall?” he looked up and met Louis concerned look. He nodded humming, and looked obvious to that the boys had seen what he just had done.

”Never mind, lets eat yeah?” Louis shook it of, and Niall nodded.

Before anyone could lift him up, he jumped of the counter and walked up and sat down at the table, waiting patiently.  
Deciding to let him eat by himself, Liam put down a plate with pancakes and strawberries in front of him. After they all had eaten, Harry picked Niall up but got a loud whine when he made a move to go out from the kitchen.

”Zaayn” Niall whined, holding his hand out towards him, his eyes a bit droopy since it’s still early in the morning. Smiling, Zayn attached his pinky to Nialls, and shook it softly.

”It’s okay baby, I’m not going anywhere” he said, and Niall nodded and let Harry go out of the room with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's okay to be lost in the middle of the night. And it's okay to be lost when the sun shines high.


	10. Cuddle Buddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? The snow has returned. We literally have snow, on the ground. Like right now. And it's April tomorrow. Yeah wow.

When Harry had put Niall back to bed, since he still was tired, the boys gathered in the kitchen.

”We have to get him into a headspace soon, we can’t continue to have this half and unsure way anymore” Liam said, and the boys agreed.

”But we can’t force him to much either, you all saw how he reacted when we leaved him in the playpen, and when Zayn disappeared” Louis said, and Zayn looked down guilty but Louis had right.

”Maybe it’s because he know we will come and get him? I know, we hasn’t done a single thing that he haven’t wanted yet” Harry said, looking frustrated.

”Well” Louis started, looking unsure for a bit.

”Zayn got to change his clothes” they all looked wide-eyed on Zayn.

”What! When?” Liam asked, and Zayn looked angry at Louis before he explained.

”Before bed yesterday, and I only changed his pants, not his underwear or anything like that.” he scratched his neck and looked down at the floor.

”But how did you do? Maybe we can do it in the same way as you did?” Harry asked, looking hopefully att Zayn.

”Well, you have to have patience. I had to stop what I was doing and comfort him many times before I even got to undo his zipper” he explained, and the boys all looked at him like he was a wizard.

”But it’s worth it in the end, I mean he trusted me enough to let me do it after all” he ended with, and the boys nodded.

”But he doesn’t trust us as much as you guys” Louis said and pointed at Harry and Zayn.

”Well yeah, and he need to trust us all if this is gonna work” Harry had a point.

”But how?”

”Just comfort him more than us? I mean maybe that is it? You guys often sleep heavier, and haven’t really woken up when he’ve got and nightmare or anything like that” Louis and Liam nodded, they knew Harry didn’t blame it on they and they both knew they tended to sleep a bit heavier.

”But why would he choose to be comforted by us when he knows you’re two is in the room?” Louis pointed out.

”I won’t leave, but we can be in another room? We can’t expect him to trust you fully from the start, but we can stay in the kitchen or somewhere and if you guys can’t calm him down, then we help you and we try some other time” they all agreed to that, it sounded like a nice plan.

”””””””””””””””””””””  
They all sat at the table when Niall came into the room. He had new clothes on, another pair sweatpants and he wore a sweatshirt.

His hair was damp, and he smelled of schampoo. But they couldn’t bath him yet, he wasn’t comfortable with that so it was best if he showered himself now.

”Hi guys, what are we doing today?” he seemed much more awake, and it was a good change.

”Well I just think we will stay inside and maybe watch a movie, not do anything special” Liam said, and Niall nodded, leaning against a cupboard.

”What’s the time?”

”Half past eleven”

Giving each other a look, Liam made the first move and picked Niall up and got a surprised squeak in return.

”Liam!” it seems like he had forgotten everything about how they had carried him around before, or it was just that Liam hadn’t carried him before.

Giving a look to to the other boys, they all followed him into the living room and placed themselves on the couch.

”What do you want to watch baby?” Louis asked, he and Liam had sat themselves on either side of Niall with Zayn and Harry on the edge.

”I dunno you choose” he said and held his eyes on Zayn in the corner, making sure he didn’t disappeared.

Harry stood up and quickly choose a Disney movie, and Niall let himself relax as he was cuddled by both Liam and Louis. It was a bit un-normal, but they made it work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going nowhere, please can you give me some ideas?


	11. What does Niall need?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the ideas and comments!

How could Niall still be tired? It was like he was a baby. He had fallen asleep during the movie, either he liked it or not. They boys had moved him to the bed, and had started searching up some better stuff online. They had nappies, dummies and bottles. The store hadn’t any good stuffed animals, so they would try to find that on the net.

 

They searched high-chairs, a playpen, some cute small outfits and just things they thought they would need. Like they had decided before, they wouldn’t have any cot for him. They all preferred to have him close, specially after what they had seen in the bathroom before.

~~~~~~~~  
_Niall looked at the street-name. In some was, it seems familiar. Had he been here before?_  
 _His legs seemed to walk on their own, and he walked into an ally. It all seemed familiar in some way._

_**His eyes flashed a picture of himself, holding a razorblade against his wrist**._

_He saw the eyes of the man._

**_Blood and tears where blended on his wrist as the cuts seemed deeper and deeper._ **

_He heard the man hum a melody, his voice was raspy and harsh and Niall was paralyzed in fear of what the man could do._

**_Blood was in small puddles all over the bathroom floor._ **

_He felt someone pull at his pants. Shouting, he tried to slap the hands away but bony, cold fingers catches his wrists in a tight grip and stopped him from doing just that._

**_He heard faint banging on the bathroom door, but in some way he was to tired to open it and see who it was._ **

_”Maybe a round two would make you understand your place, boy”_

**_The door flew open_ **

_Hands pulled down his pants_

**_Arms where shaking him, trying to get him to wake up_ **

_Fingers traveled up his tights_

**_Someone started shouting_ **

_Someone whispered in his ear, making him shiver._

_”W **ak** e **u** p Ni **all**. I **t’** s a **l** l a **dr** ea **m.”**_

~~~~~~~

The boys started to worry at the small whimpers from the bedroom, and as soon as they turned into crying and shouts, the boys flew up from their chairs and ran to see what was wrong withe their baby.

”Stop stop stop!” Niall screamed, trashing in the bed and tangling himself into the blankets.

”Niall!”

”Wake up Niall! It’s all a dream!” Louis was first at him, pushing him into a tight hug and desperately trying to wake him up.

”Niall! Wake up!”

Thrashing his eyes open, Niall made a sharp inhale and looked be-wilded around the room. Not until when he realized that it was Louis who held him, he started crying.

Looking lost, Louis tightened his grip around the boys and slowly began rocking him back and forth. It took a long time for Niall to calm down, and when he finally did he wouldn’t let go of Louis.

They boys tried to bribe him into getting of Louis for food, but he wouldn’t move a centimeter from Louis.

When everyone had calmed down, and Louis sat down with Niall in his lap to eat, that’s when he felt really how thin Niall was.

Taking in a sharp breath, he forced Nialls head from where it was placed between his shoulder and neck, and looked him stern into his eyes.

Niall seemed lost, what was up with Louis?

When Louis looked really hard into Nialls eyes, he seemed to miss something. Was it that extra shine? Or was it that extra life?

”Niall…” he seemed shocked in some way.

Standing up, he whispered something in Harrys ear. Harrys eyes widened, he scanned Niall and then nodded at Louis.

Quickly and before Niall had time to react, Louis had given him to Harry and backed away to the other side of the kitchen.

”No!” Niall shouted and tried to get out of Harrys grip, and now all the boys eyes where on them.

With teary eyes, Louis managed to say:

”Niall, calm down. I just want you to walk to me, okay? And walk straight, like it was a line on the floor” when Niall shook his head no, he wanted Louis to come and get him because to be honest he didn’t felt like his legs where that strong right now and he felt just a little little bit faint with the thought of standing and walking.

”Then I’ll stay here, and you’ll stay with Harry” Louis said stern, and felt his heart get heavy when Niall started to cry for him even more.

”Just walk to me, and I’ll hold you again” he repeated, and this time Niall nodded fast, wanting to be with louis again.

Putting him down, Harry backed a step and they all looked as Niall balanced himself to not fall over. Steadying himself against the wall, he felt like he was gonna pass out. His legs just didn’t seem to be able to carry him all they way to Louis.

What was wrong? Still, determined to reach to Louis, he pushed himself from the wall and took a few wobbly steps forward, unable to walk straight. His vision blackened for a second, and Louis seemed to realize that this wasn’t such a good idea after all. Rushing forward to the almost passed out boy, he picked him up from his armpits and held him close on his hip. Looking shocked at the other boys, he didn’t seem able to wrap his head around it.

Niall was so so so thin. He could feel his ribs against his chest, and he seemed so tiny. How hadn’t they seen it before? How could they have missed it.

Sending a look to the boys, he walked to the bedroom and they all followed him. Laying Niall down on the bed, he got wild protests when he tried to stand up and leaving Niall on the bed. So he decided to lay down with him.

With Nialls back pressed against his chest, he looked up at the boys. And then back at Niall.

”Niall, I’m gonna tell you what we’re gonna do” He looked up at the boys who only send him confused looks, but he would do this. He wouldn’t let this slip anymore, from now on he would have an eye on Niall all the time. He couldn’t let Niall get easy into this, the risk was that it would be to late. He needed to force him.

”One of us is gonna change you into an nappy, and then we’ll eat something. You don’t have to eat much, but something. The we’ll leave you in a playpen, that some of the boys will fix when we’re done talking here” he send a look to the boys ”and I’ll place you there. You will be alone there, but someone else will be in the room with you. There’s a place called headspace. That’s when you’re a baby again, okay? You’ll have to trust us and find that headspace baby, and you’ll have to let us take care of you because I’m not trusting you on doing it yourself anymore.”

Niall looked up at Louis, his eyes a bit dimmes. What was up with that?

”Da- Louis” everyone seemed stunned. Was Niall almost calling Louis for Dada? Or Daddy? Or Dad?

Maybe Niall needed to know someone would be taking care of him? Maybe that’s the key?! Maybe that’s exactly what he needed to go into an headspace?

If it was that, then that’s exactly what the boys are gonna give him.


	12. Raped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to upload this, seems like I can't wait when I have written it, but thank you all for the ideas and comments. Because I want you to be a part of the story, so never be afraid of comment what you think and if there's anything you want to happen or if you have any idea.
> 
> Just please keep in mind that I'm not that good at dealing with bad response, so please be a bit careful about that.

”Okay baby, you can decide who’s gonna change you, but that’s only because it’s your first time” Louis tone didn’t gave any objections, and Niall knew that. 

Making grabby hands for Zayn, who sat at the edge of the bed, the boys catched up on him. Placing Niall in Zayns lap, the boys exited the room and settled down to wait in the kitchen.

20 minutes later, they heard a loud ’Oh no baby’ and a cry from Niall. Faint sobbing could be heard through the door and they couldn’t quite make out if it was Niall or Zayns. Deciding to make sure everything was alright, the knocked on the door.

”Come in” Zayn answered, sounding like he was crying.

Opening the door, they where met of a heart-breaking sight. Niall had his upped body attached to Zayns, half lying in his lap. His legs where curled on the bed, but the worst part where the red marks on them.

Going from the sides, up and down, where red cuts. There where long and not as deep ones, but for the most part there where deep, short and angry ones. Ones that defiantly would leave big scars. 

Slapping his hands over his mouth, Louis followed Harry and Liam to the bed.

”Oh baby” He whispered and trailed his arms up his tights, from his knee and gently over the cuts. Freezing, Nialls eyes widened and he quickly pulled up his legs, snapping his head up and looked terrified at the boys. 

Realization got to him when he saw it was them, and he relaxed a bit. 

”Baby baby baby” Harry cooed, slowly coming towards Niall and trying to act brave, even thought everyone could see he was already crying.

It ended with all of them hugging each other, in some way clinging to each other and Niall in the middle of the mess.

”Don’t let him” Niall pushed out, but was unable to finish whatever he would say because of how much he cried.

”Don’t let him what baby?” Zayn mumbled, his mouth against Nialls hair.

”Don’t let him take me again” the boy whispered, and looked up at Zayn who still had him in his lap.

”Who baby? What did he do?” 

”He-” Niall cut himself of. He had really been raped. He had lived the past weeks in more like a haze. But he had knew it all the time. The man had raped him.

”He hurt me” why did he lie?

”How baby? C’mon you need to tell us” Zayn pushed, he didn’t know if what he was doing was dumb, but he needed to know what had happened. Even if he already had his thoughts.

”He raped me” everyone seemed to hold their breath. It was clarified. There was nothing to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relaps suck, and if there's no new chaptertomorrow, I'm just trying to put myself togheter. And I'm going to paris on thursday and I have no idea if there's any internet on the hotel, or if I'll be able to write at all. But then you know what's up if I don't upload a chapter during those days, I'm coming home on late Sunday night.


	13. Nappies

”Wh- when?” Louis was the first to be able to form words. Everyone else where hugging each other so so so hard, it didn’t seem like there where any place for words.

”Maybe 2 months ago? I’’m not sure” Niall seemed smaller, he seemed to have lost some of his confident and it hurt the boys to see him like this.

”And thats why you…” Zayn trailed of, looking with a kinda blank look in his eyes at Niall, and Niall nodded.

”That’s why I didn’t want to be changed” Niall confirmed.

”Oh” the boys felt stupid. And in the middle of that mess, who was they to force Niall to do something against his will that soon? Of course they hadn’t known about that he’d been raped, and it had been easier if he had told them.

Wincing, Niall pulled his leg away from where Liam was putting a little big to much pressure on one of his cuts.

”Well, we need to take care of these baby. I don’t understand why you ever would want to do this to yourself, you’re perfect” Harry whispered, standing up and picking up Niall from Zayns lap, he was now only in his boxers.

”Cold” Niall muttered against Harrys chest as he let himself been picked up.

Liam quickly looked through his suitcase and helped dressing Niall in a shirt and did that without having Niall to leave Harry. It went smooth, Niall didn’t have any obligations.

Maybe he could trust them now when they knew about it? Or what if they found him disgusting? What if his daddi- boyfriends found him disgusting? Had he really been that close to call them daddies?

While Harry carried Niall to the bathroom with the boys following, he quietly asked:

”What’s a headspace Haz?” 

”It’s when you really feel like a baby Nialler, it’s where you’re fully a baby and we can take care of you in the best way. It’s a good way of holding a difference between big Niall and baby Niall” He explained as simply as he could, and Niall nodded thoughtfully.

Putting Niall to sit on the bench beside the sink, he pulled up his boxers a bit to have full access to all of the cuts. Niall thought the boys where handling this very well, they all seemed so brave.

Starting to clean the cuts, Niall winced again and again when it stung and the boys said more and more apologizes while they cleaned all the cuts littering his tights.

When they where sure all the cuts where clean, maybe a bit to clean, they put bandages over those that had started to bleed from the washing.

”Do you have anymore Niall?” Louis asked carefully, not wanting to upset him.

Nodding, looking guilty, he played with the hem of his shirt and Louis quickly catched on. Lifting the shirt of him, they all had to take a deep breath of how skinny he was. Had they really been that blind?

”I’m so sorry we weren’t there for you when you needed baby, I’m so sorry” Liam whispered, and Niall nodded while he did his best to avoid their eyes.

Well, he had never been seen shirt-less in these past 2 months, when Zayn had changed him he had leaved the shirt on, and before he had been in Zayn lap and then directly in Harrys. Not to mention that the light in the bedroom was bad.

Blinking away tears, the boys started to clean up the few small scratches on Nialls chest and stomach, before they backed of a bit.

And he was so thin. So small, thin, vulnerable and everything in an unhealthy way.

The boys could all see the sucked in skin between one and every of his ribs, his stomach so so so small and is hipbones sticking out. If they where to carry him naked, they all where sure his hipbones would hurt them.

And his cheekbones are so exposed, his cheeks had kind of sunken in. His tights had almost no fat and they couldn’t even think about how Niall really had felt during these months.

When all the cuts where cleaned up, Liam picked him up and laid him on a mat that someone had laid out while they where cleaning his cuts. 

Realizing what they where to do, he whispered Louis name and held a tight grip in the boys shirt.

”We have to put you in a nappy, it will only help you” Louis whispered, and Niall began to fight back tears. But how much could it hurt, they all had now seen him naked, and all his cuts.

”Shirt” he whispered anyway, not happy about the situation.

”Yeah yeah, wait a second Li” Louis said and quickly sat Niall up and put on the shirt to hide his chest and arms.

Sitting back, he placed Nialls head in his lap and slowly stroked his hair in a try to calm him a bit and making the whole deal easier.

Liam was quick to change him, slip a nappy under him, quickly putting some powder and just in case, a bit cream so he didn’t got any rough skin, and then taped the nappy done.

”All done baby, you where excellent!” He praised, stood up and picked up a softly crying Niall from Louis and spun him around in the air and then putting him on his hip. The nappy made it softer, but he could easily feel his hipbones from under his shirt.

”What about we get some food in that tummy?”

Carefully glancing at the other boys, he nodded slowly and let Liam carry him to the kitchen.

Yeah, hey defiantly didn’t found him disgusting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's the deal. I've arrived to Paris now, and I plan on not to press or think any un-neccesary about writing on this until I come home (Late Sunday night) so maybe it won't come any chapter until then, or it will come one or I don't know. 
> 
> I plan on just focusing on the trip, and maybe I can upload some pictures from it to my tumblr and link it to you? If anyone would be interested in to see them I mean.
> 
> Well, Nialls in nappy right now! And everything will be so much easier now earn the boys know, yeah?


	14. Baby Time

Harry had Niall in his lap while Liam was fixing some sandwiches. He was trying to entertain the boy as much as possible so he wouldn’t feel embrassed, but in the end he just had the baby cuddled up against his chest. Not that he complained, he was quite happy with the situation. Louis and Zayn had gone down to the stores to try to find a playpen, they couldn’t really wait for the things to come to their apartment. Even if they was counted to comes in just some days.

Niall had been a bit stressed when it came to letting Zayn go away, but it had been alright when Zayn promised to be quick and that he would come back as quick as he could.

Placing a plate with small cute up pieces of a sandwich one the table, Liam sat down next to Harry.

”Okay, you will sit in a highchair most of the time, but it hadn’t come here so Hazzas lap will do yeah?” he baby talked, and Niall nodded. Maybe, just maybe he did like that baby talk.

The boys had decided to let Niall choose their names, if it would be something wrong with calling them daddy or dada or anything like that, then Niall would choose any other name and that will be good from the start. Plus, it maybe would help him to be in a headspace when he could choose himself what to call them all.

While Harry fed him, Niall didn’t show any sign of creating or going into a headspace. The first time would be the hardest, that all knew that. So they would try to practice going out of headspace one or two times before they would play any shows, to be sure Niall could hold control of it.

In the middle of the lunch, Louis and Zayn came back and with a kiss to Nialls forehead from Zayn, they both disappeared into the living room to place up the playpen.

And when Niall had eaten all his sandwich, Harry carried him to the living room. The playpen wasn’t that big, and the boys would be happy when the new and bigger one arrived soon. But it would have to do until then.

Making sure everyone gave him a kiss to the forehead, Harry placed him on the soft carpet in the playpen. He could move kind of freely, it wasn’t that small.

Looking around, Niall noticed the small pattern with colors on the fabric-fences and a small toy box in one of the corners. Deciding not to explore that one just yet, he watched as the boys all got out from the room.

Shaking the lonely and a bit rejected feeling of him, he fiddled with a loose string of his sweatpants. He knew the boys would be back, they had said so, right?

Meanwhile, the boys sat on the edge of the kitchen-chairs, ready to go to Niall if he needed them. They had decided not to take him away him from the playpen in less than two hours, so he would have time to go into a headspace if he could. But they would show they where there if Niall needed so he didn’t feel like they had leaved him alone. 

”Zee?” they heard him say, his voice so so so small and so so so soft. Gulping, Zayn stood up and walked out from the kitchen. He was a bit sad Niall didn’t want to begin to call them more fatherlike names yet, but he hoped that it would start soon

Niall sat with one hand placed between his open legs, and the other one against his stomach. When he saw Zayn come around the corner, he leaned back and relaxed.

”Silent” he whispered, a bit shy. Confused, Zayn wondered what he meant. When he heard one of the boys cough from the kitchen, he got it. It was silent in the whole apartment, and the boys was able to hear the smallest movement he did. Going to the TV and putting it on a radio station and with a all black screen, Niall nodded happily. 

When Zayn walked away again, Niall looked around again. Maybe he would look at the toys? Just test it out? Just to make the boys happy, yeah that’s a good reason.

So he started to pick up the toys and placed them in a line in front of him.

Entertaining himself, he placed them in size, colour, heigh and what kind of toys they where. He was entertained with this for about a hour, that’s when he saw something in the bottom of the toy box.

Crawling there, he peeked down and picked up one of the different coloured blocks.

Eyes widening with excitement, he picked up all the blocks in his arms and found it hard to crawl back to his place. So he rolled there, but that was okay.

He started placing them on top of each other, but the tower only fell down due to the soft ground.

He entertained himself with placing the blocks in different colours, then trying over and over again to build a tower, not even thinking about o make a better ground so it wouldn’t fall down. 

When there had passed one more hour, the boys could hear the blocks fall down again and again and they guessed Niall grew a bit frustrated when the blocks where placed harder and harder against each other.

Deciding to see for themself what he was up to, they sneaked from the kitchen to the living room and peaked around the corner of the door. When they saw him sitting on the soft carpet, playing happily and concentrated with the blocks in fron t of him, they could breath out.

Placing his back aagsint the wall, Harry tried to stay quiet when he slid down the wall and his eyes started to for tears.

”What’s fwrong Haz?” Liam asked worried, but Harry just shake his head and his his face in his hands.

”Haz? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” The boys started to be worried now. Still shaking his head, Harry looked up at them with the biggest smile placed on his lips.

”He’s our baby isn’t he?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Tell me what you think!


	15. Daddy

”Hey baby” Niall heard a soft voice, in some way filled with excitement. He looked up from the blocks he again had tried to make a tower of. 

”Daddy! Look what I made! It’s blue, red, yellow, green and look it have the same colour as daddy eyes!” Niall rambled on and on and on, not realising about the name, the boys heart-filled eyes or that he actually had accidentally had made the tower fall again.

In the middle of rabbling up all the color for the third time, he realized what he had said and adurply stopped talking. Slapping a hand over his mouth, he looked up at Liam with suddenly teary eyes.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Liam looked confused at him. Why had he so suddenly stopped talking.

”Oh god” escaped Niall, and Zayn came up from behind Liam, catching on what was happening. He bended down and quickly picked up Niall before the first tear could fall down.

”I’m sorry!” Niall whisppered, hiding his face in Zayns neck. And his normal voice was back.

”It’s nothing to be sorry about baby, it’s the whole point. You’re supposed to call us those names” he reasured, nodding to Harry and then nodded his head to the kitchen, silently asking Harry to get a bottle.

With Zayn bouncing Niall softly on his hip until Harry returned, Liam put up pillows in the cough and picked away all the toys so Niall had everything in the box in the playpen.

”Here baby, want to lay down a bit?” Zayn asked as he heard the beeping from the microwave, and with a small nod from Niall he sat down on the couch and placed him comfortable in his lap.

Harry came in and gave Zayn the bottle with warm milk and then sat down and placed Nialls legs in his lap.

Louis and Liam sat (almost on top of each other) in a armchair, and everyone looked lovigly at Niall.

After a bit hesitation, Niall slowly began to drink from the bottle, sending worried glances at Zayn that only was met by a soft smile.

They all dreaded when they would have to wake up him, as they all saw him falling asleep when the bottle was almost finished.

Liam, sitting uncomfortable and being very aware of the angry looks the other boys sent him, soon ran out of patience.

”Okay, tell me. What have I done?” he was irritaed but kept his voice low to not disturbe Niall.

”You got daddy” 

”Was that it, because of he called me daddy?” Liam was really irritated now, what was the wrong thing with that?!

”He’s picking out names for us. And you got daddy, wich is the best one. We will have to be called dada, baba or something like that now” and Liam just signed defeated agent the seat. They boys was ridiculus.

”You realize we’re gonna have to get him to eat, right?” Harry whispered, rubbing soft circles on Nialls bony knee.

”Yeah, it’ll be a hell I guess”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This suck, and I'm so sos so so so sorry!
> 
> But I really appreciate that you guys like this, and stick with me on this story!
> 
> Really, thank you.


	16. Harry is feeding and Liam is changing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is feeding, and Liam is changing their baby.

”Still no high-chair, but you’ll sit in Liams lap yeah?” it wasn’t reallyy a question, but Niall nodded in aproval anyway. He could cuddle Liam while the other lads ate, of course he wouldn’t eat himself. He had eaten enough today, and he was filled to the top and almost spilling over; he didn’t need more food.

”Hey don’t fall asleep now baby, you need to stay awake” Liam placed him with his back against the table so he would wake up a bit. He got tired protests but ignored them.

Felling something pressed against his lips, Niall turned his head to the side and let out a angry humm.

”C’mon you have to eat. Not much since your tummy isn’t used to much food but some bits yeah?” Niall just shook his head in response to Liams words.

Trying and failing time after time to feed him, the other lads where done soon and Niall still hadn’t eaten one bit. 

”Here, let me try” Harry said and Liam just huffed and handed over Niall to Harrys lap and placed the plate infront of them.

”We say 5 bites, that’s okay right?” Harry said and got Liam stopped himself from complaining when Niall nodded and effortlessy let Harry feed him one bit. 

Liam tries not to let it annoy him, but there’s still that little bubble of jealous in his chest. But he’s fine with it as long as Niall eats, it’s all for Niall and he’s fine with that.

After 3 bites Niall start to struggle but Harry is successful in making him chew and swallow the last 2 bites. 

Liam took Niall from him and cleaned up his face, trying to ignore the protests from the now nappied boy. 

”I’m gonna change him” Harry nods and starts help the other boys cleaning the table.

”Why?” Niall asked, looking upp at Liam.

”Because even if you haven’t used the nappy, I’ll change it. You won’t slip out from nappy changing even if you don’t use it, so you can just start using it and it won’t make any different. Besides, when you start using it I’ll only have to change you when you need it and then I’ll change you not as often” grumpily protesting, Niall was laid down on a changing mat and Liam took of his pants.

Niall didn’t reach as badly as before, because now Liam knew that while he though rubbing Nialls tight would comfort him, it only gave him bad memories. And such small thing that would upset him, now Liam didn’t so them and everything went smoothly.

After, he dressed Niall in sweatpants and let him wear the big t-shirt. He carried him to the living room and put him in Louis lap and turned on a Disney movie.

Soon, Niall was asleep and they all breathed out.


	17. Chapter 17

”Okay, we’ll have to bath him tomorrow” Zayn said and the boys nodded.   
 ”Who will do it though? I don’t think he’ll be that pleased if we all bath him” Louis said, and the boys hummed in approval.

”Is it okay if I do it?” Zayn asked, and the boys nodded.

”Of course, you’re the one who changed him first, maybe he’s comfortable with you on that one?” 

”But I’m also changing him?” Liam said, and the boys nodded.

”Yeah, he kinda trust you more there actually” Zayn said, looking down at the floor suddenly becoming shy.

”What’s up Zayn?” Liam said, looking worried at Zayn who refused to meet his eyes.

”I- I just kinda want something he likes to do with me” he said, and the boys looked at him.

”Of course you can then Zayn, but you’ll have to wake him up” Louis said, and Zayn nodded. Niall wasn’t that happy when he had to wake up, but he hoped it would be easier now when he had gotten enough of sleep.

(Time Skip)

 

Niall woke up when a hand started going through his hair, and someone put him on their hip. He whines softly and laid his cheek against the persons shoulder, trying to fall asleep again.

”Come on bud, you have to wake up” he could place the voice as Zayns, and he just whined again and shook his head slowly.

”I’m going to give you a bath, and then we will eat some breakfast and then we can play all day!” Zayn cheered and Niall just groaned, he was still sleepy and didn’t want to wake up.

Zayn walked to the bathroom, he only wore underwear and a t-shirt and Niall had a pair of sweaters and a to big t-shirt, they would start with more babyish clothes soon and Zayn hoped to get Niall in an onesie today after the bath.

Zayn put Niall on the toilet and checked his nappy, dry. It worried Zayn if Niall held it when he needed to pee but he wouldn’t tell him that now. If he didn’t started wetting and messing his nappy, they could put some pills in his milk and hopefully he would let them do that. Then he would hopefully start doing it by himself so the pills didn’t destroyed his stomach.

He had read on the internet about a guy with a ageplay baby who refused to mess his nappy, so the guy had put laxatives in her milk and when the girl still refused by her own the guy had continued, hoping she would give in. But it turned out that after a time, her stomach didn’t work and she had to continue with the meds or it wouldn’t come out. Zayn didn’t want that to Niall and by worst they would have to find some other way if he still refused.

He filled the bathtub with warm water and bubbles, figuring both it was childish and maybe a bit more fun, and Niall still didn’t felt all comfortable being naked (and he had good reasons) so Zayn wouldn’t be able to see his private area through the bubbles.

When the tub was filled he undressed a more awake Niall and taped of the nappy. Squirming, Nialls face blushed a bright pink but he moaned softly when Zayn put him in the bath and he giggled a bit at the bubbles hanging from his arms.

Zayn sat on knee beside the tub and stared shampooing the boys hair and used a mug of plast to wash it of. 

Niall was blushing all the way through, and he kept his gaze down on the bubbled he mindless played with. However, he didn’t mind it that much.

Zayn let Niall wash his private are, for this time, and then pulled him up from the bath and put him in a fluffy towel. He rubbed it around the boys’ body and through his hair. Giggling when Zayn tickled his sides Niall let himself get dried without much protests.

”Come on and lets get you dressed shall we?” Zayn cheered and threw a laughing Niall over his shoulder, happy that Niall seemed so happy with the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck, I know. It's just to say it straight out


	18. Making up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING FOR MANY , , , , , (

”And how are you doing today baby boy?” Liam cooed as Zayn came down with a dressed and napped Niall on his hip.

”Good” Niall answered and smiled. Niall was happy and they would see if they could make him go into a headspace for a longer time, maybe a playpen wasn’t such a good idea since Niall didn’t liked it, but they would find out what the big problem with the playpen was because they needed something that would put him in headspace.

”That’s good baby!” Liam cheered and took him from Zayns arm, put him in Harrys lap and placed his plate in front of him on the table. Harry had already ate since they were sure he would be the one to feed Niall. Breakfast went nicely, even if Niall still ate a bit to small portions for the boys to be sastified, but they decided to work on that more and get him used to more food in every meal.

”So what about we playing a bit?” Harry said as he carried Niall into the living room, and Niall gave a small nod, Harry was sure only he saw it but anyway.

Niall tapped his jaw softly to get his attention and Harry turned his head towards him.

”No playpen?” Niall asked slowly and Harry smiled.

”Sure baby, no playpen” he said and Niall nodded again, Harry was tempted to ask why he didn’t wanted to be in the playpen but didn’t. That was just added to the mental list of things they would have to find out.

He put Niall down on the soft mat on the ground and pulled out the toy box from the playpen and opened them for Niall.

”Now let’s play with something” he said and picked out some different blocks.

”How about we build a tower?” Harry asked but Niall shook his head.

”They just fall down” he said and looked up at Harry, and Harry laughed.

”Well, how about I help you to make them not fall down” he said and Niall nodded slowly.

Harry started ’playing’ and hoped Niall would join, but they all could see Niall didn’t really had fun. He helped Harry build the tower, but his movements where too careful and he moved slowly and had his free hand pressed against his chest like he was afraid to take too much space.

So Liam decided to find out what was up with him.

”Okay Niall, let’s get this figured out” he said and picked up Niall from the ground and Harry stood up. They sat down in that couch with Niall straddling Liams lap.

”What’s up Niall? Why are you so reserved?” Liam asked, stroking a bit if hair from Nialls forehead.

”It’s nothing” Niall mumbled and looked down at his fingers between his and Liams chests.

”We all know it’s something wrong, and you have to be honest with us if this is gonna work, and we will be honest with you” Louis spoke up, and Niall looked up at him. Whining, he opened his mouth and closed it a few times before he looked up helpless at Liam. Liam just rised a eyebrow and gave him a look.

”I just don’t want you to stop paying attention to me” he whispered and pressed his face against Liams shoulder. Frowning, Liam pushed him back a bit so he could look him in the eyes.

”But with ageplay comes double the more attention than before? We all will make sure you’re alway feeling good and safe” Liam said, not quite understanding.

”But you’ll want too watch a scary movie, and then you’ll put me to bed instead, and you’ll want to go to a bar, and you’ll let me stay home because I’m a baby. And then I’ll do something bad and you’ll think I did it on purpose and you’ll do something mean and you won’t listen because you’ll get angry and then you’ll ignore me because you'll get tired of always having to take care of me and you’ll all get tired of me” Niall sobbed quietly, and Liam had been forced himself to be quiet and not stop the other boy, he knew Niall needed to get this of his chest. It was maybe what held him back from ageplay.

”Oh, we won’t forget you, let’s take it all in order” he said and placed Niall on the side with his back resting against the side of the couch and his legs over Liams and Louis and his feet on Zayns tight.

”First, if we want to watch a scary movie we will either watch it while you’re not in your headspace, or we can just put something over your ears and you can sleep in our laps during the movie and we won’t put you to bed alone. You won’t be sleeping in a crib, you’ll sleep in a bed with us at night and if you don’t want to be alone during your day nap someone will stay with you. We won’t use bedtime as an excuse to put you away, only if you’re getting fussy but then one of us will probably be staying with you anyway.” Liam said, and Niall nodded, starting to form a small smile from Liams words. Liam looked at Harry to continue.

”We won’t go to a bar everyone at the same time, someone will always be here if we don’t have someone you want to be here to babysitt you. If you don’t want anyone else to know about the ageplay and be able to babysit you then we won’t tell anyone. It would be good to tell Paul and Lou since they’re with us backstage if you want to tell them, but we won’t make them babysit you so we can go out without you. There will always be someone with you who you feel safe with” he said and started rubbing small circles on his tight. Niall smiled at him and nodded.

”And we will never punish you without knowing if you did anything wrong. If something happens, we will make sure to hear everyones side of the story and not punish you in any way as long as you didn’t do anything bad, and if someone of us are really angry, we’ll leave for a hour or two to blow of some steam, but we’ll make sure someone else is home with you. And if we ever hurt you in any way on purpose, you can use the phone to call Paul too help you. But that won’t happen but it might feel good to have something to do if something happen, but we will make sure it never does.” Zayn said, smiling at Niall and Niall grinned at them all. 

”And we will never get tired of you. We will never be irritated by taking care of you because we all care about you and we will always protect you. You are our baby and we will protect you with our lives.” All the boys nodded to confirm it ”and if we maybe need to take a small paus from it since we all aren’t used to taking care of someone, and then we’ll take a short paus to make sure we don’t do something wrong in taking care of you. But we’re 4 to do it, and I’m sure we will manage good. I promise we never will get tired of you or taking care of you, we all love you” Louis ended, and by that Niall had tears in his eyes, but smiling happily towards them all.

”I love you too” he said, hugging them all. He was sure the boys would hold their promises, and it felt good to know all this. He had been worried for this, and that was why he had held back on the ageplay. Now he would try to let go more, even if it all wouldn’t come within only one day.

But he had managed the nappies, and that was a big step. They all were sure they would be okay and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW it's my birthday on Monday.
> 
> And WOW 1.300 words


	19. Chapter 19

The boys had put Niall for a nap and Liam was staying with him. Because of 2 reasons, Niall wouldn’t let go from his shirt and Liam was tired.

”So, how are we gonna do with Niall messing his nappy?” Zayn asked, and the others though.

”I don’t know” they all said.

”How about we do as people do when they potty train kids, but we do it reverse, so we go more and more to nappies?” Harry said, and the other though about it.

”How do you mean?”

”I mean that we can let him do in at the toilet, but we will clean him up or something. And then when he’s okay with that we’ll let him mess his nappy instead? It’s better to go slow and not make him sick than let him hold it in right?” He said and the others nodded.

”We’ll ask Liam later too, but it’s sounds like a good idea” Louis said, and they all leaned back on the couch.

++++++(Time skip)

Niall was up and sitting at the table eating lunch that was being needed by Harry again. Zayn had talked to Liam about Niall messing his nappy and Liam had agreed to their idea, so they would try it.

Niall began to refusing the last bits of food and Harry grew impatient since he hadn’t been able to eat yet and he was still tired from the morning.

”No Niall, you have to eat it all and then I’ll let you down” he said as he struggled to keep the squirming boy in his lap. Now he really wished they had the high chair but those would come the morning the next day, since the order had been a bit late due to bad weather and they came from another country.

”But ’m full” he whined and turned his head from the fork once again.

”Yeah but you h´still have to gain your weigh so eat now” Harry said stern, and took a stronger grip around Nialls stomach. Niall whined and tried push Harrys arm from his stomach, holding his breath.

”Let go!” he yelled and Harry actually let go in shock from Niall yelling.

”What’s the matter with you now?!” Zayn said angry and looked up at Niall from his plate but silenced when he saw that Niall was over the table holding his stomach and whimpering from pain.

”It hurts” he sobbed and Liam directly rushed up and took him on his hip.

”I got this, just eat your food” he said to Louis who made a move to stand up, and he sat down again still looking at Niall worried when Liam walked to the bathroom.

Liam walked with Niall to their bedroom and sat down against the headbord with Niall in his lap, he had an idead about what was the wrong.  
”Niall, do you need to mess your nappy?” he asked straight on, and Niall cheeks directly turned red. Shamefully he nodded and hide his face in Liams shirt.

”Then you can do it on the toilet and then I’ll clean you up right after and we go cuddle on the couch” Liam said. Niall wanted to feel comfortable around the boys but he honestly really didn’t want to mess his nappy.

After, Liam walked to the living room with a bright refaced Niall who hide his face in Liams shoulder, but his stomach didn’t hurt anymore.

So they cuddled the rest of the day, since Niall really didn’t want to leave Liams lap at all.


	20. HEY GUYS

Soon hey guys! I never really said it (i understood that now) but this fanfic is completed, and the last chapter was the last, I'm just not used to people actually you know, reading my stuff... so I never though that anyone would want me to update, sorry guys!

BUT!

If the intresse is here, I might write a new fanfic, an ageplay one I think but I don't really know. I might write it on my wattled account too, but you'know, I think I'll write it here.

So if you have any good ideas or something, you can comment them here and I'll se if it becomes something? I miiiigh write it on wattled, so tell me if you prefer me writing it here on ao3 or on wattpad (it's easy to make an account on wattled if you don't have one) and I'll have better control on wattpad, and see comments and such thing much much faster and easier.

But anyway, please comment and I'll see if I'll start on something!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So I'm starting a new ageplay fanific (applouds). This one is a Zayn centric, and I will post it in a week maybe? I dunno haha, but iy's in my profile or in this link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/4950502
> 
> The summary is a bit down, and I hope you'll like the new fanic as muchas people likes this one!

Summary to Keep Us Togheter:

Zayn was stressed. He had old mistakes, he made new mistakes and he could litteraly feel the weight of them become heavier and heavier and he felt like he would drown sooner or later.

The other boys had noticed, of course. They where with each other 24/7, of course they would notice that something was wrong. They didn't see the whole picture though, they saw Zayn putting a wall between them, seeing like he was trying to hide away.

It wasn't until he mentioned to leave the band thatt they understand that something was really wrong.


End file.
